Life.

Trey always always told me…if it can happen, it will.

Usually in reference to strapping things down in the truck.

We always went overboard. I can not tell you how many straps, ropes, bungee cords, tarps, anything to do with securing something down…we had it…In multiples.

ANYONE else could drive down the highway with 362 pallets strapped to their Jerry rigged trailer missing a wheel, and make it from point A, B, C….clear to Z. No problem. We would drive 1 2x4 around the block, and cause a disaster…call the national guard…if we didn’t have 37 straps holding it down.

Even now. I’m like ummmm, that needs a strap….Thomas it’s in the closed trunk…..well, It may shift, STRAP it

Anything that can happen will.

Boy, do I understand that. Stroke, Trey, SEDR, Surgery, Beauregard, Bess…it keeps going, and going…and going.

The last 20 months have been, a non stop rollercoaster(the wooden/rickety type with no safety harness) Never ending. Ever. I’d like the ride to stop now.

I have always been an anxious person. But, it seems like it will just not stop. I go from one thing, straight to another. And then another, and another.

I’m sure it’s always been like this…but, I always had Trey to talk to, to figure things out. Trey knew everything. That’s a very lonely feeling…not having that.

Benton and I talk about everything. But, neither of us know a 1/4 of what Trey did. So it’s a very lost feeling.

Last year was covid, I was a mess about all that. Then George Floyd, and Black Lives Matter, and the riots in Charleston. I was terrified. Everything was going wrong. Trey was gone, and the world was falling apart.

The night of the Charleston riots I remember being so scared that I was just sitting in the house crying. I did not know what to do. I was just terrified. I had never experienced anything like that ever. Also at the same exact time, some totally random stranger comes to the front door to let us know someone had been watching the house…

My nerves were basically fried, and still being worked.

I was scared out of my mind. I had the house security checked and rechecked. I was beyond paranoid. Riots. People watching the house. I didn’t know what to do.

And now still, everything I do, I second guess myself. On everything.

Many many things have gone wrong in the last year…it’s just gotten to be normal. If it can happen, it will.

Beauregard, was a surprise, but not really. The day Trey went, I knew Beauregard was not far behind. Beauregard changed that day. I’ll never forget sitting on the steps with him as the van pulled away.

He stayed around to make sure my surgery was good, and on January 1st. He left. Bess, was a different story. Very unexpected. But, Beau was her everything. Ears, eyes, best friend, everything.

So 2021 has been quite a year too.

My savings that had been built SLOWLY over 15 years… destroyed by medical bills. Bentons savings was destroyed by medical bills for me, and everything around the house. We had had everything set up so that retirement was not touched, Treys money not touched. We adjusted to live off only what we could bring in. Talk about some major life changes. Going from Treys + my income to nothing was quite the wake up. Thank the lord for UBER. Until my disability was approved…Benton made all the money, and paid for everything. Once my disability was approved my monthly income dropped to 1/3 of what it normally was. Still…that was a huge help. Allowed Benton time to take off to go to school.

A little over a month ago we finally got to a point where we could start saving money again. Rebuild savings that had taken forever to build, and months to deplete.

It was exciting. Very exciting.

For a month.

Then benton decides to get in a car wreck. Not really his fault…but still. A headache. The good thing, we had saved enough to pay for it. So that was a good feeling. Got that all planned to start…everything’s good...

Thursday morning wake up to the car broken into. Thankfully all of Bentons schoolwork, books, and bag were tossed aside in Hazel’s yard.

One thing, after another…after another.

And it goes on……

…and I am slowly learning how to handle that. Slowly. I’ve had a lot happen since August 2018.

A lot.

Now I feel like a whiny brat. I’m really not.

It’s just a lot has happened. And, all things I’ve never had to deal with. Alone. So it’s all new, and all overwhelming.

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