Back to (the new) Normal…

The hospitals are going back to normal operations…scary, and comforting at the same time? I have come to really really respect snd value the healthcare we have here in the lowcountry. A lot. So when they’re still on total lockdown I had to think … well there’s a reason. So, I’m still gonna wear this mask in crowds.

Now they’re no longer requiring masks for ‘vaccinated’ people. Which means…NO ONE will be wearing a mask.

Clearly they have to know if someone ain’t been vaccinated they also ain’t gonna wear a mask. So, they’re still opening.

This makes me have a LOT of feelings. I have never stepped foot back into roper, where I had therapy - or Trident, where I had emergency care. I’ve wanted to go back and see everything. Thank some people that I remember…but now that it’s opening I’m almost frozen.

It’s so so so much more than just a hospital room. It’s most of my last memories of Trey. It’s the first steps I took…it’s the end of one life for me, and the beginning of another.

There are things from that time that are still coming back to me. Just last night Benton was playing a rain storm for sleep noise.

All of a sudden I was remembering being lost in the marsh…listening to crickets snd the rain hoping to get out of this Gypsy floating hospital alive. I remembered when I would see things in the darkness. How scared I would be. Weird jumping shadows. I remembered Trey and Benton bringing a flashlight so when I saw shadows they could find them (I was coo coo for Cocoa Puffs)

I remembered thinking Trey couldn’t find my insurance card. So I was stuck in this 3rd world left over hospital. My hospital bed literally was on an old OLD boat. And they’d just float along the bayou. During the day it was ‘okay.’ At night it was scary.

I remember that first night Benton had the flashlight I’d have him pint it everywhere. That was a real mind&$@! I’d see the swamp…trees, hanging moss, fireflies, swampy things. I’d look somewhere and benton would shine the light on it….the tree would turn into a TV hanging on the wall. The pitch black night sky would suddenly have a huge sign saying ‘Call…Don’t Fall’ I kept seeing that sign. Every where. That became the only thing I recognized. Anytime I was scared out of my mind I would find that sign with its big red letters ‘CALL DONT FALL’

And I new I was in the right place. Trey knew where I was.

And now…just remembering that damn sign. Scares me more. I remember thinking who the hell do I call? I don’t even know who to call.

And that leads me to remember the fact I couldn’t find my phone. And my damn Apple Watch would not call anyone. I couldn’t really remember Treys phone number. But if I scrolled through my watch and did it just right I could call. He would never answer. It was harder to call benton. I don’t know why. But he would never answer either.

I was convinced that the therapist(my mom) had busted my watch on purpose. And that it needed repairs. Badly. My watch never worked, and when I moved to roper they cut it off and threw it in the trash.

So, clearly the hospitals opening back up is pretty nerve racking for me. What else am I forgetting?

This is why I only write on my blog…I get lost in a post. Adding this to my blog.

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