It’s not easy. At all.

The last 4/5 years have been nothing but change. I think I’ve had enough change in my life…but all I get, is more change.

It all started a long long time ago, but also just yesterday.

  • Tommy’s gallbladder. Things shifted. Just a little…but, there was a shift.

  • Mary Ann’s passing. Everything shook. Everybody shook. There are still no words.

  • Brendas grand tour of unpleasantness. She decided she wanted to see every doctor she could in Charleston. Things changed instantly and massively.

Those were all challenges, changes that had to be made, Changes that could be made, changes that made everything a bit better in the long run. Treys focus was always making sure his parents had a good retirement, and did not work their whole lives. So, that was always our focus. Especially after Tommy’s gallbladder…it started coming front and center. After Brendas grand tour…he did not want them back in the office. Period. Handle everything. No stress was to leave the office. At all.

Not easy changes.

But, necessary changes.

….and then 2018

  • Benton moves in for 6 months to get his stuff figured out, and life on track

  • Camellia and the chickens take over

  • Diagnoses

Benton moving in. That was a HUGE change. Trey and I were hermits. We worked hard, and coming home was a total respite from the chaos of all of that.

Trey was afraid if he didn’t help benton he would move back to Columbia. And he had spent so much time training him he didn’t want that to go to waste. He felt like giving him 6 months would be good for the business, snd good for benton to grow.

Having someone in the house was uncomfortable for a while. But then it was like he had always been here. He just fit in. But, I would never let him move ANYTHING outside of his room.

Then the chickens invaded. Everyone blames me. But for real Trey is the one that named, and started feeding camellia. Not me. I just decided well she needs a place to sleep…so I got her a house. Harper, and Margot helped paint it. AND THEN benton decided to adopt three more chickens that night, again NOT ME. But, the chickens were fun.

The diagnoses. We always said it was not going to change anything. I always thought nothing changed. But, looking back it did.

Massively, and swiftly. The night we came back from the hospital - Trey told Benton to go ahead and go do what he was headed to do. Benton said Forget that. I’m not leaving here until everything is okay.

Later that night Trey said he felt like this is why he had asked benton to move in. Because we had a long hard road ahead…and I needed to be nice to Benton.

Still though, I thought we kept up the curtain fairly well. Trey NEVER wanted anyone to know he was having a tough time. EVER. But, every groan, every ache, everything I was there asking what I could do. What he needed. Eventually Trey being Trey he told me to stop, and leave him alone. I would. But, I started reading him and giving him a pain pill when I could tell, or nausea meds. It was quite the time. He would say no, I would say yes…we would have words. And more words, and more words til I got my way.

Cancer is not easy, cancer is not nice, it is not kind, it is VILE.

2020 - enough said.

  • Nothing but change

I sit here today. Working on stuff for Treys dad. And it hits me for the 578 millionth time.

How massively things have changed. In SO MANY ways.

But, also how I cling to things NOT changing desperately. So much has changed that I cling to things that are constant, from the past.

I never understood people that were so opposed to change. But, now - I totally understand. Change is not easy. It almost seems to destroy every memory that you cling to.

Although - your memories are still there…change seems likely to dilute them, and that is Scary.