Changing Perspective.

If 2020 was anything it was a major wake up call. In so many ways. so many.

Since about 2015 (brendas surgery) Trey has been on me about my stress levels. Talking to me in his Sandler jargon - about my I and my R. Separating my work identity, from my real identity. That’s something I could never me work stress was real stress. There was no separation. I carried it all around all the time.

Almost immediately after diagnosis I transitioned everything at work so that Trey was comfortable, but still involved as much as possible....with all new Thomas rules.

  • No more than one appointment a day.

  • If they even seemed high maintenance at all...that was a no.

  • I didn’t want Trey driving anywhere, especially alone.

  • He could drive to the office with a Beauregard and that was it.

  • I transformed the tool room into Treys relaxation room. Dimly lit, shag carpet, salt lamps, water noise...and his top of the line massage chair.

  • He had scheduled breaks. I programmed them into his phone. And would call the office to make sure he took them.

  • Every morning I had April come into the office and wipe EVERYTHING down. The office always smelled like Clorox and Lysol.

  • When I said it was time to go. It was time to go.

Trey always complained that it was overkill, but he knew I didn’t care what he had to say.

I took all of the stress, I didn’t mind. A anything I could do to make everything better. Now...don’t be thinking I thought I was a saint or anything. With all of that stress I had many a breakdown.

Usually not in front of Trey. Everyone in the office got to experience Thomas under stress. Many many times. (Always a pleasant experience)

When it got to be too much I would talk to Trey. He would immediately want to step up and take over. I would never let him. It was just good to talk. We eventually got into a groove with everything. I would print checks, bring them home, and we would talk about everything. Anytime it came to money I refused to handle that. April made all the deposits, and we did all banking from Treys phone.

Payroll. That’s an evil word. When I first started working at Strock we got paid once a month. I TOTALLY understand why. I will NEVER do payroll again. EVER EVER EVER. Wanna talk about stress? Even if the moneys there for payroll, it’s some next level BULLSHITAKE mushrooms.

Hi money, Bye Money, Hi Money, Bye Money=STRESS

Anytime April asked about payroll I would fire daggers at her, and unleash hell(in my mind...or maybe real life) but that was not something you asked about.

We had everything working along alright. Stressful, but alright.

I had been working out regularly, really making changes. But, with everything going on, everything got put on hold. I changed all focus onto Trey. Everything.

Everynow and then he would scream for a break in attention (Trey always was a very independent person) I’d step back, but not much.

A funny-ish side story...

Trey did not like taking his meds(the nausea & pain meds). He was always afraid of getting addicted. All the research was done everything looked at and it all came down to marijuana. Now, just FYI Trey was never a pot head BY ANY MEANS. it helped ease the pain/nausea, and also made him double benefits. Smoking was out. So I learned to bake cookies-we kept them in the freezer and Trey would take about a dime size at a time. It worked. Trey LOVED brownies. One weekend when I was baking I had just enough butter left over to make a batch of brownies so he had something different.

Mixed them up, and accidentally licked my fingers too many times(now during all of this I NEVER had a cookie, part is a cookie, NOTHING) So licking that batter was a MAJOR mistake. I could barely function. When Trey and Benton got home I was basically laying on the countertop-drool pooling on the floor. All I could say is I want to go to bed. I just remember Trey laughing and taking pictures. Never again.

At some point in the therapy everything changed. No more worrying, no more looking for the next miracle cure, no more chasing rainbows. We started to plan travel, take little mini trips-went to some really odd places, and had the best time(Trey riding the roller coasters at Caroline’s, is something I’ll never forget). Disney in March was always a thing, his Sandler training was at the same time in Florida. I wouldn’t allow Trey to walk(he was mortified at first...5 minutes later...look out) we had the best time on that trip-and I think that’s the first time that I realized, this may be the last trip to disney.

We never stopped. Trey had said he wanted to spend one last Christmas in New Mexico. So we planned that trip and took it (stress - party of 1)

Needless to say. I was stressed out. If I hadn’t had viral pneumonia, some mystery virus, and a majorly severe sinus infection I don’t think ANYONE would have questioned my stroke. I was stressed out to the 17th level. So add on top of that Covid, and hello...You got a problem.

I hate that everything that I did to make everything as easy and comfortable for Trey was totally destroyed within the course of three months. All in the blink of an eye.

I am so thankful for all of those really great memories we made especially over the last two years. I’m grateful for all of the care, love, and support Trey, and I a weird way-very weird I’m happy that we didn’t spend life running from place to place hoping to hear something different. That’s hard to accept, but it’s a choice Trey made very early when we were told that it was stage 4 from the beginning-and anything we did was not for a cure, it was simply to prolong life.

Trey was never sure about any of it. Some chemo he couldn’t go in the sun, some turned his face very red, some made him lose his hair. Trey did not want to look like a cancer that’s all we really fought about. When Dr Orcutt would list the side effects Trey would say ‘Woah, not losing my hair; or WHOA-not turning Red...I used to have a bad BAD habit of rolling my eyes. Trey would always say I can feel you rolling those eyes. And I would. Every single treatment I had to tell him suck it up. And eventually the Dr would not even listen to him. He would just look at me and I’d say let’s go...hook him up right now-get the show on the road.

I never looked at Chemo as a bad thing. In our case it wasn’t. It was there to keep the cancer at bay. I could not have cared less about being red, or bald. We were there to fight. Almost every-time dr orcutt would tell Trey to stay off the internet. It’s the worst th