Long Story Short…

Updated: Sep 19, 2021


There are so many new readers, and this blog is about to change … so I figured this was a good time to catch you up…(if you want the short version), otherwise you can go back and read. I get so many questions so hoping to answer those here.


September, 1997 (one year out of high school) I met Trey. Been Best Friends, and partners for 23 years. We had been through it all. All of it. Owned a small business together, by small, I mean REALLY small. Affectionately???(or maybe not) named Blooming Idiots by Treys mother. That closed down after about two years, and I started cleaning job sites for Trey…I’m not a very good cleaner. Soon there after I started helping Trey with his work. Trey worked with/for his parents that had a construction company for 28 years. Worked there for a long time. A long long time. Parents retired…it was just Trey now. I helped. Everything changed. Just changed. Instead of Brenda having all the stress, it was us now. We did pretty well. I think. It was a bumpy ride, but we had a decent suspension. We made it through.

August 10, 2018. Trey was diagnosed with Neuroendocrine Carcinoma. In his liver, colon, and possibly his lymph system. Stage 4 cancer.

Life changed. Drastically. Not really by Treys choice, because he would have not changed a thing if it were up to him. After his first few treatments he would go to the office. Pop his head in, sometimes the same day of treatment. I put a stop to that almost immediately. He would get a neulasta shot patch that would automatically inject 3 days after chemo to ‘protect’ him more. Until that shot went off…he could be around no one. No germs, no anything. That was the first big change.

Chemo is tough. It just gets tougher and tougher. It wore Trey down. He stayed at home, always. His assistant at work would come and they’d work here. When he could. Things just really started changing.

What’s weird is I can see it all now…but then, we were just doing what needed to be done. Making it. Pushing through.

About a year before Trey was diagnosed…he hired Benton. Against everyone’s opinion - he was not the most qualified, in fact he had no qualifications. At all. But, Trey saw something, and knew he was right. Benton was kinda sorta Treys prodigy, unknowingly. Trey taught him everything he could - from the day he interviewed, until the very end. Nothing more than student, and mentor…or friends.

Benton hit some rough times. Needed somewhere to get his head right, somewhere he could focus.

February, 2018 - Benton moves in…for SIX Months. During that time Trey tutored Benton every night almost - to sit for his project management certification. He took it in June, and failed. Trey told him he would. Took it in July, and passed. That was a big deal. Benton went on salary, and got a raise. It was a big moment, for them both.

August, 2018 - Benton is moving out. Packed and ready to go. All is well.

August 10 - Trey is in so much pain in his right shoulder I rush him to the emergency room.

We are told to call an Oncologist Monday morning. It looks like cancer.

Benton drives us home from the hospital. He had gotten a ride down as soon as he heard.

August 17 - the diagnoses. Also, Treys birthday.

Long story short…Benton never moved out. He stayed, and helped from day 1. Cleaning, constantly…sitting with Trey always. While I cooked, outside (smells were not a good thing) Trey, and Benton became really good friends. We all did. I depended on Benton for just about everything. Somehow, the three of us just made it all work. When I needed a mental moment(breakdown), benton was right there for Trey. So that I could go outside, or wherever, and just lose it. I never ever wanted to get upset in front of Trey.

Also, caring for someone with cancer…is NOT easy. It’s an emotional roller coaster. So if you know a caregiver…just be there for them. They need it.

We pushed through everything. With April at the office…I don’t know how, but we made it work.

January 2020 - we got back from a cross country RV trip. I was sick as a dog…I had gotten a ‘cold’ at the Grand Canyon(HELL -never visit)

January 13, 2020. First day back at work. 4pm. 12 clotting strokes, followed by a 13th massive pons hemorrhage.

I was a mess.

Made my way through viral pneumonia, ventilators, tracheotomy, rehab, learning to walk, eat, talk, everything. All because I needed to take care of Trey, I needed to make sure everything was okay.

The one thing I’ve never been able to recover is my vision. I have Gaze palsy in both eyes. Basically my eyes do not move left, or right. They’re frozen in place, and cross eyed, so I have horrible permanent double vision, along with no peripheral vision. Also when I get very tired still by eyes ‘bounce’ so I see even less clearly. I was never able to fully focus on anything in the hospital at all.

I made it out of the hospital FINALLY. 4 days later Trey had a chemo appointment. We never made it. Trey was admitted to the hospital for one week.