Mister Monkey

When I was a kid I had a little stuffed animal cat pillow that I always slept with. So much so that it had no stuffing left in it it was just a piece of cloth. I had that thing with me at all times. Until my mother decided to toss it out when I moved out.

I forgot all about that cat until I was in the hospital. Scared and alone. Alicia stayed at the hospital many nights…and for some reason I was more aware at night. Maybe less noise, and dark. I just remember nights a lot more. After Alicia left I think I spent one or two nights alone. It was terrifying. I just know I wanted out of there BAD.

It seems like everything was okay for me if I was holding someone’s hand. I was holding everybody’s hand. But, the second I was alone I would freak out.

Trey had benton stay at the hospital with me with a flashlight in case I started seeing things. And they brought me ‘mister monkey’ for when I was alone.

Lemme tell you…I held that damn thing constantly. All the nurses knew I wanted him by my head. The weirdest thing….because he smelt like home. When I moved to rehab he was there. And I never let him go. In therapy they made me start leaving him on my bed. Which, it sounds ridiculous, but it was hard. Most of my therapy was done totally alone. So I would panic. But, eventually I got over it.

The hallucinations and nightmares continued after coming home. I still had mister monkey, and benton would sleep on the floor in case I woke up screaming. They did not end for quite awhile. I slept on the couch for the longest time. Terrified.

Mister Monkey always right there.

This is where the story gets weird.

Bitsy was not around for most of the hallucinating. And never around when I was attached to mister monkey. At all. When she came around Mister Monkey had his place on the bench in my room, next to Treys white Oxford that he was wearing the night I met him which is now a pillow I keep in my room. I have all of Treys Bibles, and his last journal right there as well.

Bitsy KNOWS she is not allowed on that bench, she KNOWS if she touches that pillow she’s a dead dog…and she KNOWS Mister Monkey is not a toy.

A couple personal things…I tend to cry in the shower, why I do not know. I think because the day Trey left I had to get dressed, and showered at noon … and that's when I totally lost it. I’m a very private person, so I guess that’s why. And anytime after I cry I want a shower. Again, no clue why.


Two or three times a week I’ll open the bathroom door, and there’s mister monkey. Always after I’ve been emotional. Never bothered, just laying there. And there’s Bitsy knowing she’s in trouble. I always pick him up and say NO BITSY. And she mopes Around like she did bad. But then the next time I’m upset she does it again.

Today I was writing, and an emotional mess. I looked down, and Bitsy had brought out mister monkey again.

What is it with dogs knowing things???

I will NEVER forget Beauregard. He refused to leave Treys side. And walked him down the front walk that day. He sat there, and watched until the van was gon….and then just sat on the front steps together. Lost, and scared.

I have never had a dog follow me around like Bitsy. It’s crazy…and HOW IN THE WORLD does she know to bring Mister Monkey when I’m upset? She doesn’t play with him AT ALL….(she has her own emotional support stuffed animal for that)….she just brings mister monkey to me and leaves him on the floor.