So. This past week was hard. Was it harder than any other day? Not really. Maybe made me think about it more.

But, I tried to not focus on it if I could...that’s impossible.

I have never been much of a birthday guy at all. Like at all at all. Going out to dinner, all that...Happy Birthday hoopla...just don’t get it. Never have. Trey liked his birthday in the mountains...I liked mine at home. I would normally cook dinner, and that’s that. I always made my oven fried chicken, or chicken fried steak. Every year Trey would say let’s go out! I’d say chicken in buttermilk.

I never liked a fuss. I never really asked for anything. Sometimes a coconut cake, and last year on the 15th I asked Trey to please not go anywhere on my birthday.

I don’t think my birthday was ruined in anyway. I’ve never liked it anyhow. In a weird way it makes sense to me.

Treys Grandmothers passed right before his birthday, and right after his birthday. He always talked about that. Not always...but generally around his birthday. If I’m not mistaken one was two days after and one was 2 days before. He always said that was a considerate amount of time.

I have to say. I’m not sure anytime is considerate...but maybe in a few years that’ll change.

I really just wanted to be home alone this year. Birthday celebrations of any kind made absolutely no sense. Sally brought me Cake, balloons and an orchid, I was shocked...didn’t know what to say really. I was like OH. it’s my birthday. I really appreciated seeing her and Emmit. My Mom, sister, and joe-hired Jennifer to make it look like the Easter bunny destroyed my yard...I’m so oblivious that my sister had to call and tell me to keep looking. I got another orchid from Debbie and John, numerous cards.

My favorite card came this weekend. No confetti shooting out...just a simple card. She didn’t know how to write Happy she tried three ways

  1. Happy Birthday! Even though things are shit right now.

  2. Happy Birthday - the past year has sucked!

  3. Happy Birthday! There are not enough middle fingers to describe this year...

I can’t tell you how much that card made me laugh and cry. Finally someone that got it. WOOOH. It’s your birthday...want another piece of Minnies Pie?

It broke my mood. And I got new pictures of Harper and Margot. I feel like I’m the last year they’ve grown like 5 years worth. It was really nice to get.

Other than my birthday it was a tough week. I finally decided to open the quilts. Figured it was a porpoise poop day anyhow...can’t get worse.

I can’t explain how comforting the quilts are. Yes, they’re 100% Treys shirts(except some of the backing) but they’re done in a way that I know Trey would appreciate...they’re literally Trey turned into Art. I feel like they’re perfect. Nothing at all I would change. Trey was a pretty artistic person, in everything he did. Scribbles, and sketches, watercolors, drawings. The first quilt done is almost an exact replica of a pattern Trey used to always draw while he was in the phone. The second reminds me of Trey drawing lines. The third is a bit eerie.

A couple years ago Tommy and Brenda gave me a piece of yard art that has a big chunk of seaglass in it. Trey would sit at his window and try to paint that seaglass over and over and over. He always thew the paintings away because he was never satisfied. How I got a quilt with patches that look like seaglass all layed out just is too much of a coincidence.

A couple other things that I never thought about. Trey was the Third...hence Trey...His shirts made Three complete quilts. There’s no filler fabric in the quilting, and all the scraps were used to quilt the backs as well.

Zac, had never met Trey, knew nothing about Trey other than his clothes. Zac wanted to tie all three quilts together - because he knew they were going to Three different homes...but he wanted them all tied together. They’re so different, but so the same. Trey used to sign every card he ever gave me - Big T.

He was Big T I was little t. And Zac did this one the backs of the quilts tying them all together.

Somedays are OK, somedays like today I just sit here. Lost.

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