Holy mess. Probably the hardest thing for me to think about. No, the hardest thing to think about.
When it was time to tell everyone about what was going on, and what the plan was it was Tommy & Brenda I was most scared to tell. By scared I mean I absolutely did not want to tell. I did not want to tell anyone...that made it real.
As real as it was, I wanted it to not be - from the beginning to the end. I had the hardest time accepting any of it.
I did accept it. I had followed all the instructions. I had everything planned out, scheduled, organized...and programmed. Down to the timers in Treys phone. He napped on a schedule. He did everything on a schedule, and everything had been re-done around that schedule.
I hid behind that schedule. As long as everything worked with that schedule everything was good. I fully believed that. Sadly. And it didn’t help that Trey did so well with everything. That just reinforced my thoughts of...we got this.
I would not allow Trey to get down in his thoughts about anything. I had read that the way you think can majorly change everything. So if he was in his head I’d let him talk about it, get it out, and then move on.
I was mister sunshiny, blue bird, zipadee doo da...I know...hard to imagine. But, I was. Everything was good. Everything was Great.
I hid behind that threadbare falling apart mask until there was nothing but a string left...think the emperor has no clothes...that was me. And that one tiny little string was all I needed to cling to, and cling I did.
The one thing that comes in like a perfectly sharpened obsidian knife and shredded that string of a mask into dust is the Girls.
Harper Blythe and Margot Grace
No matter what. These two girls meant the world to Trey. When Missy was having Harper we Knew T&B were headed out of town. I asked Trey if we were going. No. There’s no reason for us to be there. That’s like a grandparents/mom and dad thing, we would be in the way...okay. So we went to work. Less than 5 minutes at work Trey called and asked how fast I could close everything down. And get packed.
Literally clothes were thrown In the car and we were off. Trey drove, and I’m fairly certain we did not stop the entire way.
Harper stopped the world.
...an then Margot said ‘hold my bottle...I’ll show you how it’s done‘. She came in in a big big way.
It hurts more than anything knowing they won’t get to know their uncle Trey on a deeper level now that they are both becoming young women.
I feel like we all got to know Trey, appreciate him. Not for long enough, but we at least had the opportunity to know him, discuss with him, bicker...just to bicker. We all got to know him, and of you didn’t know Trey keep reading, hopefully you will get to know the man he became.
I guess that’s the point of all of my writing. Once I get passed the cluster cuss that was 2020.
All of this is ...For the girls.