The hardest/best feelings

This weekend I saw Treys sister Missy, and family for almost the first time in a year.

It’s incredible how much things have changed in that small span of time. On one hand it feels like forever ago, on the other it feels like moments since I saw that look on Treys face when Harper walked in to say hello to him that last time - and seeing that fear of the unknown in Margot’s eyes.

There was a time I could barely think about anything without getting upset thinking about how Trey was going to miss the girls growing up. That thought hurts all the time. But - it’s not the hardest thing.

We stopped by Harpers riding lesson...

Smacked in the face by this young woman...helping out with the younger kids lessons. Not only that...smacked upside the head again by a very relaxed, calm-working-but not stressed Missy. I felt like I stepped into a different world. Things had changed so much - but still the same.

I had only ever heard about missy and horses, I had never known that missy. Met an all new missy this weekend...Totally relaxed...easy going...water off a ducks back Missy.

I’m not kidding when I say we sat outside in the driveway all night. The girls played in, on, and around Phyllis. We ran to the Costco to get sleeping supplies - Seth ordered dinner, benton and the kids played some kind of weird game in the yard. No one was on their phones, or iPads. It was a nice night.

While watching Harper at horse lessons I couldn’t help but wish Trey was there to see what I was witnessing. Everything about that entire scene would have made him entirely happy and smiling as big as he could. Seeing a totally different Harper grown up so much in the past year-entirely enthused, focused, and maturing into the young lady Trey always knew she’d be was difficult, but good. It had me wishing he was there...but then the reasons why changed. Almost in an instant.

Trey always knew how to make the girls feel special, and great. He always knew what to say. I was good with them when they were babies...but then I don’t know how to act with little kids. Trey did. He would have known what to say to - all I could say was ‘is that Harper? Is that Harper? And stare at her in disbelief.

And then I realized the worst thing of all, the girls are never going to get to know Trey like they could have. That is just about the worst.

The girls are old enough to always remember Trey - but they’ll never get the Trey as a person experience. Margot has Treys total fascination with technology, online everything, and that total need for isolation, and comfort in doing her own thing. Trey was the exact same - he was ALWAYS connected to the internet, always learning, and had a secret love of mindless computer games. Watching Harper help with the girls that are younger than her was like watching Trey pass on his knowledge. Something he always ALWAYS did. So watching harp-who’s only been working with horses less than a year-and seeing her have the patience and ability to already pass on the knowledge she has is like watching a miniature Trey in action.

It’s going to be interesting seeing them grow more and more. Just seeing the change in all three Gordon Girls this past year is mind blowing.

A couple years old...100% different now

And coming soon...

family camping trips...just waiting on the Strocks and Gordons. Mantis Missy???

...see pop that top up, and a horse fits.

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