The last day...

It was Tuesday. No one was supposed to be coming over.


T&B had meetings scheduled with the accountant, lawyers, somebody.


I tried to get Trey up for the day. He didn’t want to move. I wanted him to eat, or drink for me. He wouldn’t. I couldn’t get him to focus.


I panicked. Called the nurses Cell phone she had given me because Hospice was basically closed down. I was scared. I needed help. This could not be happening.


He mentioned going to a meeting again. I kept telling him the meeting was canceled, please take your medicine. He wouldn’t drink anything. The nurse got here super fast. I think I texted everyone the nurse was coming. I really don’t know. I just remember talking to her and she was trying to be as delicate as possible. I don’t know if I just wasn’t listening, or understanding, or both. But I was lost...I couldn’t make sense of what was happening. Everything was O.K. then I had the stroke, and everything fell apart.


This was all my fault.


She was telling me signs to look for. She asked me if there was anyone else that he may need to see soon. I just remember saying that his sister is supposed to come back this weekend, but with corona we weren’t sure. Other than that I really wasn’t sure. She kept trying to get Trey to take his meds. He would not. We stood there talking awhile. She asked about my therapy, the type of stroke I had. Random things.


Trey would never take his meds. He was not wanting to move at all, and she said that was because of pain. She asked me if I had gotten his Morphine prescription. I had. It was in the fridge.


She gave him a very small dose. And then we talked all about Trey. What he was like, she said he was so polite, and all of the care team had said how polite he was. He mentioned his meeting again and she asked about what we did. Construction, Trey had worked with his parents for years, and had taken over. Trey had started squeezing our hands. I don’t know if she said something, or the fact that I had just been unable to talk or anything in the hospital-and only finding comfort in others hands made me understand, or what. But, he was responding to me talking about him.


I kept talking. Telling her Trey had always been a business man like his grandfather...he was always serious, and independent. When he was a little kid he had a little briefcase/bag and he had told his mom she could stay in the car...he could get into school on his own. He used fo sell school supplies/etc. in school-making money always.


And then I got a text from Brenda asking if it was okay for them to come over.


YES.

The nurse packed up all of her stuff, and told me to call her for anything at all. I remember her leaving,and walking her to the door. I asked her how long she thought we had she said it all depends - it could be a few days, it could be weeks. I remember hating the unknown.


I don’t really remember the strocks getting here. I just remember Tommy in the living room, and I asked where Brenda was...he said she was in with Trey.


I don’t know how to explain that day, I don’t know that I want to explain that day.


I just knew Brenda needed time.


I don’t know when T&B left. I just know I never left Trey alone that afternoon. I would come out to use the restroom or get a drink. That was it.


I remember just sitting in there. Talking to Trey. About nothing. About everything. He was responding - he would squeeze my hand.


And then it just came - Later that night...I knew he could understand me. I knew he was listening it was the first time all day since the nurse, and I knew I had to tell him thank you right then.

Thank you for everything. Thank you for the past 23 years. For putting up with me, for teaching me, for absolutely everything. Thank you for sticking around all this time to make sure I got out of the hospital. For making sure I was gonna be okay. Everything was going to be okay. I would be OKAY.


I just kept telling him I wanted him to be okay. Everything will be okay Trey. It’s going to be okay. He just kept squeezing my hand.


I don’t know why. But I kept telling him that if he needed to go and see his Grandparents and aunt Mary Ann that everything would be okay. That was incredibly hard.


I remember Benton coming in and asking if everything was okay. I remember Trey put his left hand up, and benton held his hand. I know that Benton said his goodbyes, and told Trey that everything would be okay...he had promised him that he would make sure everything was okay.


It was an impossible day.

In

Everything was going to be okay.

Everything was going to be okay.

Everything was going to be okay.

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