Time for a change...

Okay. We all know it’s been a year and a half of constant change, nothing but change. And yet here I am on the verge of a major major change

Since I was released from the hospital I have gained 80 pounds. Part of it is because I can’t do much of anything. I cut the grass daily, walk, do what I can. But it’s not enough...especially when my gastro intestinal system doesn’t fully work without daily meds.

My body is not burning stored calories...it burns the easy calories, and throws the rest in storage and forgets them.

So now what?

Tomorrow I start an extremely limited and monitored caloric diet to force my body to learn how to burn it’s stored calories.

The fun...at least once weekly blood tests, most likely twice a week for the first month. Thankfully they’ll come to my house to draw blood, and do weekly check ups and counseling.

The hard part -

No food for three months. NONE. I will have 6 custom made shakes a day, that will reflect my blood work. When my body can handle it they will add in a nutrient bar but most likely not for two months.

After a three month total fasting reset they will start adding in food small bits at a time. The whole idea is that during this reset we can take the time to totally retrain my brain on eating for fuel...and not for pleasure. Which to me is hallucinogenic... but okay.

So three months of fasting, counseling, behavioral therapy...and probably mad cravings.

And then after that three month period slowly adding in food, and relearning how to eat...and all the inner workings of food as fuel and not as therapy.

Ugh. It should be a process. A very exciting process...don’t come to visit - unless you want water, and an emotional hot mess. The drs have all warned me to be prepared to deal with things that I never even think about. I will have three different therapists and counselors that I meet with weekly alongside dietitians, and the nurses.

The more I think about all of this the scarier it gets. But, in the long run it will totally be worth it.

The thought is just scary. But, I am so ready for my body to work...I’m ready to do anything... even fast for three months.

At least I still have water...I’ll be fantasizing it’s orange juice in no time.

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